The Dread Menu

For those of you who are considering Jillian's dreaded shred, or for the more prudent among you who just want to experience my pain vicariously,here's a peek at the menu. The workout menu, that is.(Her diet plan is an online program that I have no intention of getting myself or my credit card sucked into.) 

The following 'menu' consists of workout levels one and two. I began level two (In which even the fierce Natalie whines) around day fifteen. A couple days later, I tried level three and as I shared with my Facebook friends, "That b*tch is crazy." 


I returned to level two the following day and have been there ever since. Level three has too much plyometric action for my taste; not to mention my joints. 


Trust me. Either one of the first two levels is enough to choke down every morning. And to add to the fun, they are sprinkled with Jillian's sweet expressions of encouragement like, "No resting", "You can't phone this in", or "I want you gargling your heart." And my personal favorite, "I want you to feel like you're going to die!"

Bon appetit!

30 Day Dread

Appetizers   Jillian's appetizers are a classic array of dynamic stretches that barely warm up your muscles and seriously beat up your joints.

Arm crosses. Forward and Backward Windmills. Hip circles.  Knee Circles. Jumping Jacks. High Leg Kicks.  Neck Circles

Entrees  A tempting strength-training mixture designed to stress your muscles to the edge of torture.

A colorful combination of painful Push-ups and booty shaping Squats with Shoulder Press.

Jillian offers some tasty morsels on form during Dumbbell Rows

A generous portion of Static Lunges served over Bicep Curls

Served a la cart and flat on your back: Chest Flies

A bountiful blend of ankle-stressing Side Lunges with neck straining Shoulder Raises

As if push ups aren't bad enough, Jillian's house special: Walking Push Ups

Hold a squat position till your legs feel like buttah: Static Squat with Dumbbell Row

Hold a lunge position till your legs feel like jelly:  Static Lunge with Shoulder Press

Pendulum Lunge balanced with hearty Hammer Curls

Quad defining Leg Extensions layered with Military Press

A daring combination of Chair Squat with V Fly without the chair

Salads  Just get your heart pumping and stop whining about your joints.

Fresh from grade school Jump Rope and Double Jump Rope (without the Rope)

Low Squat Punches designed to slow cook your thighs and heat up your abs

A classic: Squad Thrusts (Yes, she goes there.)

Savory and Organic Oblique Twists

Skaters served without skates

Bountiful Butt Kicks... nuff said?

And the piece de resistance: Plank Jacks.. In case your ankles survived Jumping Jacks.

Sides Jillian has cooked up a series of gut wrenching ab exercises guaranteed to leave you asking yourself why you didn't hit the snooze button.

Crisp Crunches served with a hearty heaping of Hip Raises

Or have the above pureed and served as a Double Crunch

Slow Cooked Bicycle Crunches

The muffin top cure: Oblique Crunch

Crunches skillfully paired with Single Leg Raises

Say goodbye to your lower back with Crunches flavored with Double Leg Raises and finally...Plank Twists.

Dessert  Thinking about Tiramisu or a Massage? Ha. Think again! JM's two minutes stretch is about as tasty and satisfying as lime hospital jello. (without the Cool-Whip)

Wide Leg Stretch. Side Leg Stretch. Shoulder Stretch and Quad Stretch

One could argue that this 27 minute workout is the 'fast food' of exercise plans. But by no stretch of the imagination, is this a 'Happy Meal'.